Hello Again, Irvine.

I'm back in Irvine again for the first time since graduation. It's fun being back on the campus, visiting friends, seeing the old sights, reminiscing, and feeling like I never left. Okay, so it's only been two months. But people's lives are already moving on to new chapters! The residents from Oakenshield have moved out of the dorms and into apartments. I'm staying with one lovely resident Manisha as I type. Thanks Manisha!

Now, the transition from dorms into these apartments got me thinking. Our appreciation and love for things can be so affected by what we think we are entitled to. Last year I was a resident advisor in the dorms. As an RA, I was so blessed to have a three-room single, meaning I had a little common room with a couch for residents to come hang out in, a back room with my bed and dresser, and a bathroom with my own shower.  When I first saw the room, and how much space I had, I was AMAZED. I was so thankful for the abundance! Whenever residents came into my room, they were blown away. "You have TWO ROOMS?" And the bathroom would really get them. "YOUR OWN SHOWER!?" And they were right.  It was incredibly convenient, spacious, and luxurious. I was blessed with more than I deserved!

But does that excitement translate when one walks into an apartment? Even when the apartment is offering MORE than the three-room single at the dorm, and ironically, for a cheaper price, I know sometimes my thankfulness would wane. So what changed? Well, the accommodations didn't change. So maybe its my heart that changed. Maybe its my sense of entitlement that changed.  Do the expectation for what a dorm room should be and what an apartment should be shape our appreciation? Is our thankfulness determined by what other people say something should be like, or what the standard is? I think mine is often determined this way! I can find myself complaining about something when I think in my mind or hear others tell me "You know, you really deserve more than this... apartments are typically much larger than this."If my dorm room last year were re-located into an apartment complex, and I still payed the same amount of money, would I be great-ful or jealous of all the other apartments?  Instead of shifting my standard on what others say, or what my culture says, I would like my thankfulness to be firm in the standard Christ sets. Basically, that is, that I deserve nothing, and everything is a gift! (Oh how often I fail to do this!)

Back to School?

Well, for the first time in 15 years, I will not be going back to school this fall! It is a bit strange as the time rolls around. Many schools begin instruction tomorrow, and I am reminiscing over my childhood (and early adult) school days. I had so much anticipation on the eve of a new school year. I would lay in bed and imagine all the exciting things about to take place. And yes, I do mean exciting! School was an amazing time for me and a blessing! Sure, there were sleepless nights, difficult moments, and never-ending homework. But why not be immensely thankful to God for the incredible blessing of school. And not just the blessing of school, but the fact that in every circumstance, school, work, or my current state of the in-between, I can praise God and rejoice in the righteousness His son has earned for me! He is faithful through it all. =)

I know because I was taught.

I can not take credit for the things I know. The things I currently know are either God-given instincts or were taught to me at some point in time. But when I learn something new, what's my tendency? To act as if I always knew it, and by my own accord!  For example:

Me: "What does 'abet' mean? I've never heard that word!"
Friend A: "To assist someone in a crime."
Me: "Oh! How interesting. Thank you!"

The next day...

Friend B: "Hey, Emily, what does 'abet' mean? I've never heard that word!"
Me: "What? Are you kidding? You've never of abet? Who hasn't heard of abet?"

Now perhaps it isn't always this overt, (and with Christ's power, I have been able to recognize this sin and battle it) but I do the same things in other ways and especially in my heart.  And when someone talks about a subject that I feel I am knowledgeable in, I can feel that pride rising in me, wanting to get a word in, to let people know that I am wise. (Which, by that way, I am not.)

So, I must ask for God's true humility to realize I am not responsible for my own knowledge. I would not know a single thing if it weren't for Christ teaching me. So I hope I can grow in God's humility and live out this fact. I want God to take away my pride in my knowledge, which is nothing compared to His infinite wisdom!  Living with this humility can allow me to be in greater awe of God.

With that said, I recently was taught more on a topic that I have been longing to know about. My wonderful sister Lindsay and I drove to and from bay area a few days ago, and all but one hour of the journey was spent going through the history of Israel. I praise God for giving Lindsay the knowledge, who could pass it on to me in a clear manner. I now have a better grasp on the transitions of power, judges, prophets, and kingdoms. I understand the movement of the people from one land to another and the motivations behind those movements. Most importantly, I have a greater appreciation and understanding of God's might works and brilliant plan to save all nations through Jesus Christ.  These hour spent learning the story of God's people and God's sovereignty were more thrilling than having the radio on playing doodle jump on my ipod. It was such a joy to see God's picture in a more full and clear light.

What a shame it would be if I took pride in myself for learning these things. Only a few days ago, I was unaware of many amazing things. I didn't know how Israel got to Egypt in the first place.  I didn't know the details of Israel's plight from Egypt to the promise land.  I didn't know that kings came to rule in Israel because the people turned away from God and begged Samuel for worldly kings.  I didn't know the transitions of power from the Assyrians to the Babylonians to the Persians, and beyond. I have been reading through the Old Testament for pretty much the first time, and am currently in 2 Chronicles. I gathered some of these things while reading, but it was amazing to have it explained, and have the words of God really come to life!

Now I must remember that at the age of 21, I was, and STILL am, unaware of so many things. If you are unsure about God's history, still have those lingering questions, don't be too proud to ask! And if you do have a great grasp on these things, don't be proud as if the knowledge came from you. If we have a community of humble people, who care only about God's truth being proclaimed, it will benefit everyone. I know I have been embarrassed to ask the simple questions because my own pride doesn't want to look uneducated or unspiritual. But I was so blessed to have a sister who didn't care how dumb I looked and just wanted me to rejoice in God's awesome works. When I lay down my pride, God can do amazing things.

Finish Strong!

Twenty four days left in my undergraduate college career. My prayer is to finish strong!

Is what sense? Maybe I could go to the ARC (our gym) one more time before I graduate. Maybe I could go to one more sporting event, maybe one more late night run to Yogurtland, hopefully one more late night playing games with the girls in Oakenshield. I think there is a place for these things, but I know one thing that is far greater than all this. How will I grow in Christ, love him more deeply, and share him with those around me? In that sense I would like to finish this year strong.

As an RA, I can often feel the burden that I need to be doing something for my residents. I might feel like I should be planning more events, making more flyers, visiting more rooms, going more places with them, and the list goes on. With these twenty four more days, where will I spend my time?

I believe the burden is misguided. God is not calling me to carry a burden that I am not working hard enough. He DOES call me to a life of service; but a life of placing that burden on Him. My calling is to take on the joy of sharing Christ, the urgency of sharing Christ, but also the peace in trusting Him to allow things to happen in His timing.

So these next twenty four days, I hope to act with urgency and great service. But not for the things that will fade; not for the "college experience" but for the work of Christ that is truly everlasting. As I am led by the Spirit to act when he calls, (and if I truly listening, I believe he is calling me to act very often!) I can feel a sense of peace and joy even as I share fervently.

Praise the Lord for his peace, and for calling us to something that will never disappoint!

would you journey with me?

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

Romans 12:1-2

To discern what God will is. That's my desire right now. I've had questions floating in my head, questions I've often set aside, and I feel motivated to seek the answers more intentionally. I'm both excited and humbled to learn God's truth.

This search humbles me in a few ways. The answers to these questions may alter the way I live. It also may turn out that I don't need to change much in the area in question, but shouldn't I be willing to do anything for my God who has given everything for me?

Alright, enough with the ambiguity. I would like to understand God's heart for wearing "jewelry, make up, and other adornments." Is this something that he designed as a symbol, something that he celebrates? Is this something he sees as vain? Is this something that grieves his heart? Is there a certain way in which it would grieve him, but a certain way it would honor him?

It's an area I'm relatively uneducated about. The little I know if enough to leave me with confusion. What do we make of biblical stories where jewels and stones used as a symbol of honor, and the commandment to dress modestly without gold jewelry or fine clothes?

I hope now to read more thoroughly these stories, and ask the Holy Spirit to convict me. Like Romans 12 says, his ways are GOOD and PERFECT. If he calls us to wear no fine clothing (not sure what constitutes as such) no jewelry, and no braided hair, and so forth, I know he does so for His greatest glory and our greatest joy. It would be an honor to lay down such things.

But I have to admit the sinful fears in me. (fears that are foolish and can be eased by seeing God more clearly!)

1. Fear of man. The thought that people, other Christians even, will think I'm strange for giving up these things. But only honoring God, not men, matters!

2. The fear that others might think I'm legalistic. But I know that legalism is not obeying God's word, it's believing that by doing so, I'm earning my way to heaven.

3. That I would become self-righteous. It is my tendency to pat myself on the back. But I know that I am saved by Christ's blood, which I don't deserve.

4. That I would become judgmental. It is my tendency to make myself seem greater by pointing out how others aren't obeying as well. But to do so is belittling the amazing work God is doing the lives of believers. Yes there might be a standards that God calls us to, but he still has grace on us when we fail!

So as I read more and pray over this topic, would you journey with me? What do you find in God's word? What do you think the Holy Spirit is revealing to you that is in accordance with Scripture?

I would rather not search this alone. It is always best to have a community. Let's learn more about God's heart and encourage each other!

I guess it goes to show ya...

...that only God is faithful to each and every one of his promises.

Sorry, blogging resolution, I wasn't as true to you as I'd hope to be.

Today is a Tuesday. It does not feel like a Tuesday. It is different than most Tuesdays. It is the Tuesday of finals week. This may often mean a tireless day of cramming and test taking, as it has in quarters past. But I am so thankful to say that in the midst of the studying, I enjoyed morning time with the Lord, a bright spring sun sharing 83 degrees, study breaks of singing and sewing, and still plenty of time to read through chapters and notes of economy. With no traces of my normal routine, no meetings, no classes, I quite enjoyed this Tuesday!

Also: I love the feeling when finals are finished. The excitement. The relief. The freedom. All that you have worked for has come to completion, and there is finally rest! Imagine then, if we can feel that sense of comfort only after finals are finish, how much more intensely we will experience it when we finally arrive in heaven!

Natural Worship.

I am sorry for neglecting my blog and my new year's resolution.

But, guess what?

Today is February 16th, and it's time for me to make my February 16th resolution!

I, Emily Fenton, plan to blog every Tuesday and Friday beginning on February 16th and lasting through the month of March.

Okay, so I couldn't even blog every Friday... why would I add Tuesday too!? Well, I think it's not that I don't want to blog or can't think of anything... it's that I often have lots of thoughts and can't chose, so therefore put it off, and don't blog! We shall see what happens!

A thought about a thought...

(Thanks Steven for sending me this quote!) "I believe that the only ones... that are born of the holy spirit... come to Jesus Christ and say something like this, 'Lord Jesus, I'm going to serve you and do what you want me to do as long as I live, even if I go to hell at the end of the road, simply because you are worthy to be loved and obeyed and served and I'm not trying to make a deal with you.'" -Paris Reidhead.

When our love is truly genuine for Christ, we will be so amazed with him that our greatest desire is to give him all our praise. Luke 17:11-19 tells a story about ten lepers who were healed by Jesus. Nine of them left without thanking God, but one "turned back, praising God with a loud voice; and he fell on his face at Jesus' feet, giving thanks." We can think of worship as a strange and frightening term, but in this man's case, he was so overjoyed, all he wanted to do was fall before Jesus and worship him! There is nothing forced about this worship, because when you really experience Jesus, worship and love is the only natural response! The biggest reason we should not want to go to hell is because not being able to love and adore and worship God would be the most saddening thing to us! I want to continue experiencing and knowing God by his word and his Holy Spirit, and have a heart that can't help but worship him! I am so thankful that I can say this true worship is the way the Lord has been taking me. I long for even more!