Evaluation.

I work as a Community Programmer in a housing complex at UCI. (greatest job ever...) I work closely with 11 other people who do my similar job. We recently filled out peer evaluations for each member of the team. Today I read those addressed to me.

There were many comments that left me thanking Christ for working in me. There were also comments that hurt. It hurt that I agreed with their criticisms. "A lot of times, I feel like Emily wants everything to be her way, even when it is not her program." "Emily, you do a great job in taking the lead, but sometimes I want to see other members shine." "I get the feeling that she likes to do things independently, which isn't necessarily a bad thing."

This is something I pray about a lot. "Lord, would I take a step back and involve others in the process. The outcome doens't matter as much as the relationships along the way. Humble me enough to see my way isn't the best way."

I thank God I can see this area improving so much. I really can. But I know how much further God can take me in it.

I left my supervisor's office with a head full of thoughts. I was thanking God for great things He has changed in me, praying he would never stop, praying my team would see Christ in me, that my faults wouldn't keep anyone from seeing Christ, praying that I would love my team so much, praying that I would take the criticism and use it as encouragement. There was another thought. It was so beautiful.

I left the room thinking "They might be falsely accusing me, or they might be right on the money. Either way, the shame I feel from these comments doesn't have to exist. They are not my judges... God, you are my judge!" And I felt all the comfort I needed.

And it hit me, as it has before, that is the most insane thing to find comfort in!

Why would I find comfort in a God who knows, not just this fault the team has found, but each and every little sin, huge sin, disgusting thought, or selfish motive!? How is it comforting that a God who has the power and right to punish me for all those thoughts is my judge? Shouldn't I be far more ashamed in front of him than any peer evaluation!?

Yes! I should! I should be frightened! Yet I find comfort that I will never be ashamed in front of Him!

Oh the cross of Christ is so beautiful when I realize what I deserve next to what I'm graciously getting.

Thank you Lord for this comfort in the very thing that should send me to my death.

Thank you that I will never be ashamed!

Answered.

I am working on my Japanese homework, the listening portion.

I must mark yes or no for each question. I listened to the last question three times but did not understand what it was saying. Oh, well, I thought. I simply marked the answer found in the answer packet and was going to move on.

...but what if I prayed about it? I could ask God to help in this seemingly insignificant homework problem. He doesn't have to, but God could certainly make me understand!

So I prayed. And God listened. And answered like he loves to do!
I listened to it one more time, and I knew what it said. Amazing. =)

Thank you, Lord, for showing me your care and your power in something so simple.

Back to school.

I am sitting here in between classes overlooking this beautiful park with its wild trees and clever shadows. Such a view makes me appreciate the joy Christ really wants for our lives. People are speeding past me in their fancy clothes, hopes of a degree; honestly anything that will appear to satisfy. As they do, I wonder, as I always do, what Christ meant when he said our "joy may be complete." I wonder if its not that we go looking for things to find joy in, but Christ makes us find joy in everything we come across. We can enjoy whatever comes our way, whether a beautiful tree, or pain and persecution, because we ultimately enjoy Him. And He will always be there.

Okay. Class time!