Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

I've been thinking. About many, many things. I bet you have been too. It has the potential to become overwhelming, doesn't it? But then, wait! Our Lord has overcome the world, and He can overcome anything we've got on our minds.

Some topics I've been pondering: My selfishness, poverty, forced labor and slavery, sweatshops, civil wars,  my abundance of material possessions, clothing, decorations, how I spend my time, and what God would have be do about all this.

There are some serious issues in this world, and I want to please the Lord with my response.  But for any of our responses to please the Lord, we MUST start with the heart. Is my heart's desire to please our awesome God, or is it to look incredibly generous as an attempt to please men?  Will I sacrifice whatever the Lord asks of me because I treasure Him most, or will I give the minimum amount to look like a good person, and to have people applaud me? Do I think I can solve the world's problems with a hearty dose of good deeds, or do I confess that the Lord alone has the true power to save people?

When we start valuing the wrong things, it becomes about US instead of HIM, it becomes about helping people temporarily instead of saving people from hell eternally! What must we do to prevent this form happening? Because, it really can happen all too easily.

I recently listened to a fantastic and convicting sermon by pastor Mark Driscoll (of Mars Hill Church in Seattle). He passionately argued that life's problems and man's sins are really a result of one thing: idolatry.

Idolatry is the worship of anything beside the one true God. Driscoll explained (by quoting another pastor whose name I forget!) that humans are CONSTANTLY outpouring worship to someone or something. Whether you are Christian or not, we are always worshiping. It takes many forms: we can worship with our time, our money, our thoughts, our excitement. We can worship many things: our reputation (that one hit home for me), our comfort, our favorite sports team, our job, our education, our money, our humor, our image, celebrities, anything! So when we hear that God wants us to worship Him, it really is a gracious invitation to stop wasting our time with flawed idols, and to be fully satisfied by enjoying Him!

When we really do worship Him by enjoying Him, obeying Him, and being satisfied by Him, we will be increasingly willing to give up other less awesome things! Like the parable in Matthew 13:44. "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."


All of our sins stem from our worship of things other than the Lord. (Again, this is borrowed from Driscoll's sermon.) If we didn't worship materials, we wouldn't steal. If we didn't worship our reputation, we wouldn't lie. If we didn't worship comfort, we wouldn't remain idle. The list goes on.

And so this applies to every aspect of our life, including how to serve the Lord and serve the poor and the afflicted. When we worship the Lord, and don't worship other things, we will desire to go where God tells us, sacrifice what He asks of us, and do it all for His glory! It's the best of both worlds: those who are hurting receive help, and the Lord receives the worship that He really deserves.

These issues of oppression and pain exist, and God calls believers to respond in tremendous generosity.  But He wants it to happen as an act of worship and confession that God is the greatest treasure of all. He cares about His own worship more than He cares that someone is fed, because He knows that no one will truly be fed unless they worship Him! (Woah, did we just go in a circle there? Yes, we did! An awesome circle where God's wisdom is displayed!) John Piper says "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." He is the source of all satisfaction and joy. As much as we can try to solve the world's problems, the only solution comes in knowing God! Every problem is solved when we find ourself satisfied in Him, giving Him all our worship!

So if we are overwhelmed with the problems in this world, with the pain, the poverty, the disease, the lies, the abuse, the insecurities, the confusion, the adultery, the murder, the only real solution is to draw closer to God! Then He will use His willing servant for His perfect and gracious plan!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Why Not Advertise?

Hello all! If you didn't know, I have a small crafting business called Emkats where I sell journals, bookmarks, and other paper crafts.  To promote the business, I have a Facebook fan page, Twitter account, and most recently, a Tumblr blog.  I've decided to get rid of those things for a few reasons, and if you're wondering why, read on!

Over the years, I've heard a few pastors say something to this effect: "Live your life in such a way that if God doesn't come through, everything will fall apart."

What they mean is that those who profess to trust in God often plan their lives as if He does not exist... that if God never intervened in their lives it would make no difference because they trust on their own devices.  Trusting in our own devices might sound like the only logical thing to the world. How else will you ever accomplish anything, they might ask.  But I believe God calls those who trust in Him not to trust on our own devices, but to lean fully on God and be amazed as He constantly provides for us in His own brilliant way.  I know that kind of living will bring the joys of knowing God more intimately, and the rejoicing that comes when we watch Him work miracles.

I've been praying lately how to live that out.
(Crazy Love by Francis Chan really influenced me in this way, check it out if you haven't!)
So today was I thinking about my craft business and the thought hit me:

What if I don't trust in my own device of advertising, but trust in God to bring the income that He desires for me? What if i trusted Him to "advertise" for me?


Honestly, it was an unsettling thought at first. I love advertising online! I have a hundred ideas of how I can really get the name out there: how I could contact semi-famous youtube celebrities and have them promote the product, how I can have awesome contests each week on my blog, video how-to's, pictures galore, tweets and updates... and the list goes on. I don't think any of that is bad, and some people might use that and that's exactly what God wants for them. He wants to teach us all different things at different times in different ways, so what He's teaching me right now may or may not apply to others.

But it's on my heart today to stop advertising myself, and trust that God will cause things to happen by His power.  Who knows what that will look like, but ,seriously, how much more powerful is God than a youtube celebrity? (The answer is infinitely more. =) ) If God wanted to, He could bring me a thousand sales today. (Which might never be His will for me!) If He wanted to, he could bring me the connections with buyers that I couldn't have gotten through months of advertising.  But sometimes it's a lot easy for me to trust that a youtube celebrity, or a thousand tweets are more powerful and practical than the influence and power of God alone. I trust in my heart that God is in control over this world, but do I trust on Him on a minute level over something like selling journals? I sure hope so!  I want to be overwhelmed with the work of God and his reign over this world. I want to set up my life so that it falls apart if God doesn't provide.

And God's provision may never bring me "wealth." He may bring me just enough sales to pay the bills. I might actually make thousands more by advertising, but I would be missing out on the most important thing: being close to the heart of God, and being completely satisfied with Him. So by giving up the advertising, I hope to be saying "God, I trust you to bring the income you want for me, whatever that may be... even if it leads to failure (maybe that's telling me to pick a new path.) It's also saying, "God you are more satisfying and worthy of my attention that the thrill of becoming a big business with a lot of sales."

As I knew would happen, the initial unsettled feeling has turned into a sense of freedom, peace, and excitement. (As it often is when we give things up to the Lord.) I do this, not because I want to earn God's favor, but because I believe that we experience so much fulfillment by giving our lives to Him.

A few clarifying things: I won't be stopping me etsy shop (where I sell my items online) because that's where people actually purchase the items. Also, if God brings me advertising opportunities, I will take them! I just mean that I don't want to go out and search for them on my own.  If He brings them to me though, I believe that is a way of providing.  For example, if that youtube celeb says "Hey, I randomly happened upon your etsy site, can I promote your product?" I will say, "Wow! I had nothing to do with that! Thanks, Lord!" It's not that I don't anyone to hear about Emkats products, it's that I want to leave the control in God's hands. Does that seems to fit with what i've been explaining? If you have any opinions, people let me know!

I would love your support in this. It might be tempting to just take things into my hands, or I might feel at times like God isn't providing. But that might be when I need to trust in Him more, or need my perspective to be changed.  Speaking of perspectives, all of this really helps me see with a more eternal perspective.  Eternity is what it's always about.  Someday I will have to give up control of this business because it won't follow me into Heaven. It's freeing to give up that control now, and focus on what is eternal.

Alright, that's all for now. Thoughts or questions? I'd always love to hear them! Leave me a comment. =)

Thanks for reading!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Hello Again, Irvine.

I'm back in Irvine again for the first time since graduation. It's fun being back on the campus, visiting friends, seeing the old sights, reminiscing, and feeling like I never left. Okay, so it's only been two months. But people's lives are already moving on to new chapters! The residents from Oakenshield have moved out of the dorms and into apartments. I'm staying with one lovely resident Manisha as I type. Thanks Manisha!

Now, the transition from dorms into these apartments got me thinking. Our appreciation and love for things can be so affected by what we think we are entitled to. Last year I was a resident advisor in the dorms. As an RA, I was so blessed to have a three-room single, meaning I had a little common room with a couch for residents to come hang out in, a back room with my bed and dresser, and a bathroom with my own shower.  When I first saw the room, and how much space I had, I was AMAZED. I was so thankful for the abundance! Whenever residents came into my room, they were blown away. "You have TWO ROOMS?" And the bathroom would really get them. "YOUR OWN SHOWER!?" And they were right.  It was incredibly convenient, spacious, and luxurious. I was blessed with more than I deserved!

But does that excitement translate when one walks into an apartment? Even when the apartment is offering MORE than the three-room single at the dorm, and ironically, for a cheaper price, I know sometimes my thankfulness would wane. So what changed? Well, the accommodations didn't change. So maybe its my heart that changed. Maybe its my sense of entitlement that changed.  Do the expectation for what a dorm room should be and what an apartment should be shape our appreciation? Is our thankfulness determined by what other people say something should be like, or what the standard is? I think mine is often determined this way! I can find myself complaining about something when I think in my mind or hear others tell me "You know, you really deserve more than this... apartments are typically much larger than this."If my dorm room last year were re-located into an apartment complex, and I still payed the same amount of money, would I be great-ful or jealous of all the other apartments?  Instead of shifting my standard on what others say, or what my culture says, I would like my thankfulness to be firm in the standard Christ sets. Basically, that is, that I deserve nothing, and everything is a gift! (Oh how often I fail to do this!)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Back to School?

Well, for the first time in 15 years, I will not be going back to school this fall! It is a bit strange as the time rolls around. Many schools begin instruction tomorrow, and I am reminiscing over my childhood (and early adult) school days. I had so much anticipation on the eve of a new school year. I would lay in bed and imagine all the exciting things about to take place. And yes, I do mean exciting! School was an amazing time for me and a blessing! Sure, there were sleepless nights, difficult moments, and never-ending homework. But why not be immensely thankful to God for the incredible blessing of school. And not just the blessing of school, but the fact that in every circumstance, school, work, or my current state of the in-between, I can praise God and rejoice in the righteousness His son has earned for me! He is faithful through it all. =)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I know because I was taught.

I can not take credit for the things I know. The things I currently know are either God-given instincts or were taught to me at some point in time. But when I learn something new, what's my tendency? To act as if I always knew it, and by my own accord!  For example:

Me: "What does 'abet' mean? I've never heard that word!"
Friend A: "To assist someone in a crime."
Me: "Oh! How interesting. Thank you!"

The next day...

Friend B: "Hey, Emily, what does 'abet' mean? I've never heard that word!"
Me: "What? Are you kidding? You've never of abet? Who hasn't heard of abet?"

Now perhaps it isn't always this overt, (and with Christ's power, I have been able to recognize this sin and battle it) but I do the same things in other ways and especially in my heart.  And when someone talks about a subject that I feel I am knowledgeable in, I can feel that pride rising in me, wanting to get a word in, to let people know that I am wise. (Which, by that way, I am not.)

So, I must ask for God's true humility to realize I am not responsible for my own knowledge. I would not know a single thing if it weren't for Christ teaching me. So I hope I can grow in God's humility and live out this fact. I want God to take away my pride in my knowledge, which is nothing compared to His infinite wisdom!  Living with this humility can allow me to be in greater awe of God.

With that said, I recently was taught more on a topic that I have been longing to know about. My wonderful sister Lindsay and I drove to and from bay area a few days ago, and all but one hour of the journey was spent going through the history of Israel. I praise God for giving Lindsay the knowledge, who could pass it on to me in a clear manner. I now have a better grasp on the transitions of power, judges, prophets, and kingdoms. I understand the movement of the people from one land to another and the motivations behind those movements. Most importantly, I have a greater appreciation and understanding of God's might works and brilliant plan to save all nations through Jesus Christ.  These hour spent learning the story of God's people and God's sovereignty were more thrilling than having the radio on playing doodle jump on my ipod. It was such a joy to see God's picture in a more full and clear light.

What a shame it would be if I took pride in myself for learning these things. Only a few days ago, I was unaware of many amazing things. I didn't know how Israel got to Egypt in the first place.  I didn't know the details of Israel's plight from Egypt to the promise land.  I didn't know that kings came to rule in Israel because the people turned away from God and begged Samuel for worldly kings.  I didn't know the transitions of power from the Assyrians to the Babylonians to the Persians, and beyond. I have been reading through the Old Testament for pretty much the first time, and am currently in 2 Chronicles. I gathered some of these things while reading, but it was amazing to have it explained, and have the words of God really come to life!

Now I must remember that at the age of 21, I was, and STILL am, unaware of so many things. If you are unsure about God's history, still have those lingering questions, don't be too proud to ask! And if you do have a great grasp on these things, don't be proud as if the knowledge came from you. If we have a community of humble people, who care only about God's truth being proclaimed, it will benefit everyone. I know I have been embarrassed to ask the simple questions because my own pride doesn't want to look uneducated or unspiritual. But I was so blessed to have a sister who didn't care how dumb I looked and just wanted me to rejoice in God's awesome works. When I lay down my pride, God can do amazing things.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Finish Strong!

Twenty four days left in my undergraduate college career. My prayer is to finish strong!

Is what sense? Maybe I could go to the ARC (our gym) one more time before I graduate. Maybe I could go to one more sporting event, maybe one more late night run to Yogurtland, hopefully one more late night playing games with the girls in Oakenshield. I think there is a place for these things, but I know one thing that is far greater than all this. How will I grow in Christ, love him more deeply, and share him with those around me? In that sense I would like to finish this year strong.

As an RA, I can often feel the burden that I need to be doing something for my residents. I might feel like I should be planning more events, making more flyers, visiting more rooms, going more places with them, and the list goes on. With these twenty four more days, where will I spend my time?

I believe the burden is misguided. God is not calling me to carry a burden that I am not working hard enough. He DOES call me to a life of service; but a life of placing that burden on Him. My calling is to take on the joy of sharing Christ, the urgency of sharing Christ, but also the peace in trusting Him to allow things to happen in His timing.

So these next twenty four days, I hope to act with urgency and great service. But not for the things that will fade; not for the "college experience" but for the work of Christ that is truly everlasting. As I am led by the Spirit to act when he calls, (and if I truly listening, I believe he is calling me to act very often!) I can feel a sense of peace and joy even as I share fervently.

Praise the Lord for his peace, and for calling us to something that will never disappoint!

Friday, April 9, 2010

would you journey with me?

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Romans 12:1-2

To discern what God will is. That's my desire right now. I've had questions floating in my head, questions I've often set aside, and I feel motivated to seek the answers more intentionally. I'm both excited and humbled to learn God's truth.

This search humbles me in a few ways. The answers to these questions may alter the way I live. It also may turn out that I don't need to change much in the area in question, but shouldn't I be willing to do anything for my God who has given everything for me?

Alright, enough with the ambiguity. I would like to understand God's heart for wearing "jewelry, make up, and other adornments." Is this something that he designed as a symbol, something that he celebrates? Is this something he sees as vain? Is this something that grieves his heart? Is there a certain way in which it would grieve him, but a certain way it would honor him?

It's an area I'm relatively uneducated about. The little I know if enough to leave me with confusion. What do we make of biblical stories where jewels and stones used as a symbol of honor, and the commandment to dress modestly without gold jewelry or fine clothes?

I hope now to read more thoroughly these stories, and ask the Holy Spirit to convict me. Like Romans 12 says, his ways are GOOD and PERFECT. If he calls us to wear no fine clothing (not sure what constitutes as such) no jewelry, and no braided hair, and so forth, I know he does so for His greatest glory and our greatest joy. It would be an honor to lay down such things.

But I have to admit the sinful fears in me. (fears that are foolish and can be eased by seeing God more clearly!)

1. Fear of man. The thought that people, other Christians even, will think I'm strange for giving up these things. But only honoring God, not men, matters!
2. The fear that others might think I'm legalistic. But I know that legalism is not obeying God's word, it's believing that by doing so, I'm earning my way to heaven.
3. That I would become self-righteous. It is my tendency to pat myself on the back. But I know that I am saved by Christ's blood, which I don't deserve.
4. That I would become judgmental. It is my tendency to make myself seem greater by pointing out how others aren't obeying as well. But to do so is belittling the amazing work God is doing the lives of believers. Yes there might be a standards that God calls us to, but he still has grace on us when we fail!

So as I read more and pray over this topic, would you journey with me? What do you find in God's word? What do you think the Holy Spirit is revealing to you that is in accordance with Scripture?

I would rather not search this alone. It is always best to have a community. Let's learn more about God's heart and encourage each other!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I guess it goes to show ya...

...that only God is faithful to each and every one of his promises.
Sorry, blogging resolution, I wasn't as true to you as I'd hope to be.

Today is a Tuesday. It does not feel like a Tuesday. It is different than most Tuesdays. It is the Tuesday of finals week. This may often mean a tireless day of cramming and test taking, as it has in quarters past. But I am so thankful to say that in the midst of the studying, I enjoyed morning time with the Lord, a bright spring sun sharing 83 degrees, study breaks of singing and sewing, and still plenty of time to read through chapters and notes of economy. With no traces of my normal routine, no meetings, no classes, I quite enjoyed this Tuesday!

Also: I love the feeling when finals are finished. The excitement. The relief. The freedom. All that you have worked for has come to completion, and there is finally rest! Imagine then, if we can feel that sense of comfort only after finals are finish, how much more intensely we will experience it when we finally arrive in heaven!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Natural Worship.

I am sorry for neglecting my blog and my new year's resolution.
But, guess what?
Today is February 16th, and it's time for me to make my February 16th resolution!

I, Emily Fenton, plan to blog every Tuesday and Friday beginning on February 16th and lasting through the month of March.

Okay, so I couldn't even blog every Friday... why would I add Tuesday too!? Well, I think it's not that I don't want to blog or can't think of anything... it's that I often have lots of thoughts and can't chose, so therefore put it off, and don't blog! We shall see what happens!

A thought about a thought...
(Thanks Steven for sending me this quote!) "I believe that the only ones... that are born of the holy spirit... come to Jesus Christ and say something like this, 'Lord Jesus, I'm going to serve you and do what you want me to do as long as I live, even if I go to hell at the end of the road, simply because you are worthy to be loved and obeyed and served and I'm not trying to make a deal with you.'" -Paris Reidhead.

When our love is truly genuine for Christ, we will be so amazed with him that our greatest desire is to give him all our praise. Luke 17:11-19 tells a story about ten lepers who were healed by Jesus. Nine of them left without thanking God, but one "turned back, praising God with a loud voice; and he fell on his face at Jesus' feet, giving thanks." We can think of worship as a strange and frightening term, but in this man's case, he was so overjoyed, all he wanted to do was fall before Jesus and worship him! There is nothing forced about this worship, because when you really experience Jesus, worship and love is the only natural response! The biggest reason we should not want to go to hell is because not being able to love and adore and worship God would be the most saddening thing to us! I want to continue experiencing and knowing God by his word and his Holy Spirit, and have a heart that can't help but worship him! I am so thankful that I can say this true worship is the way the Lord has been taking me. I long for even more!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Alarms.

Oakenshield! You've done it! You now hold the record for most fire alarms sounded in a single day! Four times within twenty four hours is pretty impressive. =) And don't forget the three other times this has happened this year! Or was it four? I'm loosing count!

I'm writing now at 3 am after yet another fire alarm went off in Oakenshield due to... well, we aren't sure if anything really set it off this time. You see, the other six, seven, or eight times this has happened this year, it was caused by a shower. A combination of broken vents and a wonky heat detector make for an abrupt end to the showers in suite 301. No burnt food, no candles, no electrical outlets... just poor suite 301 taking their showers. And of course, the entire building must evacuate, whether its 8am, 10am, or 240am like this time. But now, the alarm can't even be traced to the showers! It continues to go off in the bathroom of suite 301, but on its own time; when it decides Oakenshield needs a little adventure.

I may be a little strange, but I enjoy little adventures like these. I do not like that all 80 residents must evacuate along with me, and wish they didn't have any inconvenience! I feel sorry that they all had to wake up and evacuate in the middle of their sleep! (Except Hasmik, who apparently is a very, very deep sleeper!) I think everyone will be laughing in retrospect... right? And like Benedict Anderson says, shared experience creates imagined communities, right!?

NOTE: In the middle of this post, the fire alarm went off again, making that 5 in 24 hours. But as I walked outside to turn off the alarm, (this time not everyone had to evacuate) I got to stop and look at the moon for a minute (after I silenced the alarm!) and remember how grand our God is, and what perspective He watches an event like this, as he also watched each moment, joyful and painful, in the entire universe. I pray that I wouldn't think about complaining over this circumstance, or any circumstance, remembering that God's goodness always remains constant!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Who do I work for?

Today I met with my RA supervisor and we talked about serving all the needs of every person in my hall. With worldly wisdom he told me that I should think about what each girl in my hall really needs, and not just supply them with my own faith values. I wish so badly that he, and so many others, could see that the only thing worth any value, and the only thing worth sharing, the only thing that will last, the only thing that will truly benefit anyone is Christ. It will not be of any use to bring in a speaker to talk about self-motivation or finding your own path in life. There is one satisfying thing in this world, and I don't want to feed my residents a substitute. When I'm sitting in that office and he is reminding me that diversity is a great thing to cultivate, and others have their own values that we should all consider, it sounds politically sensitive and agreeable. And for me to claim that nothing but Christ matters might sound terribly close-minded to the world. But when we know Christ, we know that he alone is magnificent enough that we should spend all our moments loving and honoring him. It is crucial to remember that I don't serve my supervisor, I serve the Lord.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Winter Quater Begins!


This first week back in Irvine was one of the greatest. I am so thankful for what the Lord is doing and the boldness of the Holy Spirit. By sure to ask me about what cool things are going on!

Exciting to be back in the dorm with the girls!

I rearranged my room as well. Hooray!


Off to the basketball game!












Go Eaters!

I have many thoughts as classes are starting up again. Excitement is one. I love school. Excitement also that I may (as long as God allows it) graduate at the end of this year. Trying to graduate means a very busy schedule and very little down time. So long as I use my time wisely, that can definitely happen. I hope to stay on top of my work, so that I can really invest in the Oakenshield girls and share Christ more boldly with them. A goal is to get my week's homework done the weekend before so that I can do so. (This weekend will be the first attempt at that!) The world might say it is so hard to balance so many things, and I might like to hear that and then pat myself on the back (out of foolish pride) but God is really the provider of all strength necessary. Now, I don't just mean to say God will automatically give me to power to do everything perfectly just for the sake of good grades or graduating early just to have more time for myself and a higher sense of pride. But I do believe that God could help me read faster, for example, or understand things more quickly, so I have time to do HIS purposes throughout the week: ie. spend time reading his word, serve others and sit down with friends and tell them how wonderful Christ is. (And of course, this is something I should be and hope to be doing throughout the weekend too! But Also try to use all those spare moments in preparing for the week so I am not tied down my homework. If I do this over the weekend, I can get ahead, and drop my homework in order to chat with someone as it comes up! Ya get me? Let me know if you have any input!) He might not help me in those exact ways, if he knows another way is better. But my prayer this weekend will be to ask for God's blessing over all that I need to get done for school, so that in this coming week, I can spend my time for his purposes. I hope to do this in humility, knowing that relying on his strength is far better than relying on mine, and that if he wants to help me in these ways for his purposes, he can do so, but he doesn't have to do it this way. But rather than trying to work very hard on my own strength for purposes that will eventually fade away, I hope to be amazed at how God gives me strength and ability.

I'll let you know how this week goes!

Friday, January 1, 2010

And A Happy New Year!


Already, I was 20 minutes away from not fulfilling my first New Year's resolution. (Blog every Friday)

But luckily, I noticed just in time! So, this first blog will not be clever, inspirational, or anything but just saving myself from breaking my New Year's resolution. =)

Happy New Year, everyone! As long as God helps me keep this resolution (and it will ONLY happen if I actually pray for his help) I will see you next Friday! (or sooner!)